gay

I’m not sure how to write this post. After hearing the news I felt shocked, then angry, then sad, but now I just feel numb. I don’t know how to write a post feeling this way. I don’t know how to express how horrible I feel thinking about the 50 innocent people who lost their lives, the families and friends of those dealing with the loss of their loved ones, the 53 who were insured. My heart breaks for them. I hate to think that I live in a world where such hatred exists. It’s sickening.

Aaron and I have gotten calls from friends all day telling us, “How many times have we gone to a club, a bar just looking to have some fun. It could have happened to us, it could have happened to anyone.” I think about all the boyfriends that went together, looking for a night out together(maybe even just to hold hands in public because they were in a safe place), or the gay or lesbian individual who might not have been out of the closest but now their whole family knows because of this tragedy, or the straight girl who just wanted to go out with some friends without being constantly hit on by drunk guys.

I remember the first gay club I went to(Tigerheat is Los Angeles). Aaron and I had just started going out and we were able to hold hands in public and I remember the feeling I got from that. I felt like everyone else. I felt like I was in a relationship and I didn’t have to be ashamed of that. It felt good. I felt that there was no judgment. Going to a gay club is different than most people would think. It’s not just a club–a place to drink and dance, it’s supposed to be a safe place for people to be free to be whoever they want to be without the cast of judgment. I couldn’t even imagine what the victims endured. I can’t even fathom it. The more I think about it the more I don’t even want to live in a cruel, barbaric world.

*Sorry if this post isn’t well thought out. It was meant to be a quick jotting down of my thoughts. I don’t want to dwell on this event and pull the research just because I can’t handle writing more than I already have, but writing nothing at all would feel worse.

Husband & Husband pray for the victims of Pulse Night Club Orlando, Florida.

Category: gay

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